My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
