I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
