i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Two words: nipple clamps
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