Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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