I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
