I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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