i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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