We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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