Small penises have feelings too.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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