Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
