I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
