Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
