My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
