she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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