And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
