I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
