I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize