2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
