So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
