Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
