Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
