Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
