but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
