Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize