So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
