So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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