I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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