was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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