i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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