i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
