You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
