We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
