My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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