In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
