Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
