apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
