It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
