Plan B is the new Plan A
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
