We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
