it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
