My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
