hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
