the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
