Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
