spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
