I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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