i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
