any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
