Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
