You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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