When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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