i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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