so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize