oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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