I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
