I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
