new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
