Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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