Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
