think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
