My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize