Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
