How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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