Plan B is the new Plan A
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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