I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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