this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
