Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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