i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
