Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
