Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
