Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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