Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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