He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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