i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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