Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize