If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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