Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
