I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
